View Full Version : Auto Show Review

02-24-2017, 04:46 AM
Here are my impressions, in no particular order.

For future reference, I'd like to know of any relatively cheap parking garages in the area of the MTCC. The MTCC charges $30 to park from 10am to 10pm. A garage that is accessed from Victoria Street charges $26.

The corporate cheap bastard award for not having any brochures goes to Jaguar, BMW, Mercedes, Toyota. They all tell you fugoff, go look at the website. Like they can't afford to print a pile of modest all-line brochures with just spare change.

Best looking women award ("brand ambassadors") goes to Fiat and Alfa Romeo. Right down to the Christian Louboutin shoes.

There were 10 OPP cops at their booth telling people stuff like it's illegal to drive while intoxicated. ~~~~, I didn't know that. I guess the good thing is they're not out there handing out speeding tickets.

Most buttons and switches within reach of the front passenger and driver award goes to the Acura RLX. I think I counted 104.

Most stubborn refusal to move their technology beyond 1970 award goes to Subaru. For one stupid simple thing: when I pull the door handle to get out of the car, I want the door to open! Simple, yes? It shouldn't matter if the door is presently locked or not. I don't appreciate having the car say to me "I'm sorry, but you're not going anywhere. I know you want to get out, but, I'm the car. You will do as I say. Now, unlock the door first, and then I'll let you out". We have 360 degree camera views, pedestrian detection, cars that park themselves, GPS navigation, but automakers won't let us program our door locks how we'd prefer.

Speaking of door lock weirdness, now GM has adopted a two-pull method of getting out. First handle pull unlocks the door, second handle pull opens the door. First handle pull unlocks the door, second handle pull opens the door. I think it's some European thing. I think it's some European thing. Did Volvo invent that method? Did Volvo invent that method?

Two vehicles that I generally really like but have one annoying feature: The Toyota Highlander and the Subaru Outback. The infotainment screen controls are placed far away from the driver and you have to really lean forward and stretch your right arm to reach them.

Mitsubishi has become the Dodge of Japanese cars. They're basic and functional and cheap, but you have to put up with a lot of cheap black plastic and cheap assembly. And the beloved (by riceboys) Evo isn't made anymore. Meh, so what's the point of this company existing anymore?

2017 is the year I have decided to stop making fun of Kia. I have to accept it. They're no longer just oddball or cheapass Asian stuff. Check out the Credenza or K900. Gotta admit that is some impressive ~~~~.

In other news from Korea, Hyundai has split off the Genesis and Equus models into a separate division called Genesis.

Attention whore award, and deservedly so: the red Challenger Hellcat with red and black velour interior. I think the assembly quality has even improved a bit. This is one of those car show divas that everyone wants to sit in. Oh if I didn't already have my Thunderbird.......

I noticed Scion wasn't there this year. Good. Did the division die? I don't really care, as long as it stays away.

Ferrari of Ontario had a nice collection of older Ferraris on display, but nothing new or of the current model year. Rather weird.

Greenest car at the show award goes to: The Lotus....whatever it was, and the BMW M3.

Chevrolet Corvette: Most cramped interior, smallest console storage compartment, and an optional rear spoiler that's just three strips of plastic fastened onto the standard small spoiler with torx bolts. Looks like an aftermarket kit. Awesome secret compartment to hide your weed though.

Camaro ZL1: Still uglier than an unwashed donkey's ~~~, but for $75,000 goes from 0 to 96km/h in 3.5 seconds.

Time Stands Still award: The Nissan GT-R. This car evolves slower than the Porsche 911. It's still the God of the import community, for good reason.

Narrowest seats in the show: The Recaro seats in the Ford Focus Sanitary Towel and the Fiesta Sanitary Towel.

Absolutely positively the best seats in the show: Ford Mustang GT. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh ohhhhhhhmmmmmmmm yahhh mmmmm. I swear my sore back was so much better after sitting in them for 2 minutes. Best physiotherapy you could imagine. The designer deserves the Nobel Prize for Medicine. If only I didn't already have my Thunderbird.......

To keep the children amused, Ford has an attraction where you pick a basic design and draw or colour in a pin-on button. Yay! Kept me amused for hours. I completely forgot how hideously expensive an F-150 is. Oh yeah, $77,000. An F-350 non-dually was 90-something thousand. Somehow, the prices you see in newspapers are about 1/3 less.

There were Lincolns there but I completely didn't notice them. Just like at dealerships or on the road. Um, why does this division still exist?

A BMW M6 costs $160k. Perfect example of how BMWs are so overpriced. Despite the impressive driving dynamics, they just don't look or feel like their prices are justified. Not to mention their reputation for nightmarish reliability and dealership service.

I think EVERY Volvo now comes with their new 316 hp 2.0L supercharged AND turbocharged engine. Trying to achieve a certain torque curve is the only justification I can think of for such an overdesigned apparatus. I wonder what the cylinder pressure is at maximum rpm.
Volvo is trying to upmarket itself as a luxury brand. The new V90 wagon is $78,000.

Toyota didn't even have a Venza. Not surprising since 2016 is the last model year. It's such a massive bestseller, so naturally they kill it off. Who are they taking their marketing advice from, Ford?

I don't think Lord Crawley, the 8th Earl of Grantham, would have approved of the colour scheme on the Rolls Royce Wraith. Black on purple? Gracious, no.

I really liked the Mercedes C43. $70k and 0 to 100km/h in 4.7s. Very nice interior and build quality. Then I saw the new Audi S4. $70k and 0 to 100km/h in 4.7s. Very nice interior and build quality. And 20 more horsepower than last year's model too.

I don't know why Audi killed off the RS5 after only 3 years. Such a cool machine. The S6 is a beast with a 4.0L turbocharged V8 and 0 to 100km/h in 4.6s but costs over $100k.

The Porsche 911 Turbo on display doesn't have a surface coat of paint. Porsche just sprayed clearcoat over the grey primer. A rather desperate form of weight reduction.

New SUV from Bentley called the Bentayga. New SUV from Maserati called the Levante. New SUV from Jaguar called the F-Pace. Uh yeah, whatever. If I want a truck I'll get an F-150.

Awesome news for friends of Rudolf Diesel: The Chevy Colorado has a 2.8L Isuzu Diesel. The Chevy Cruze has a 1.6L 4 cylinder turbo diesel. Jaguar offers a 2.0L Diesel in three of its models. The Dodge Ram 1500 has a 3.0L V6 Diesel.

The Cadillac Escalade, the leader in the narcotics trafficking community, has a neat touch: The side step bar extends out when a door is opened and retracts when it closes.

The new Infinitis are very nice. The Q60 Coupe costs $66k, and with a 400hp turbo 3.0L should be good competition for the M4, mostly by not breaking down each month.

I don't know how to feel about Lexuses or Lexus or Lexi. The interiors look kind of old Star Wars, and the fronts look like Darth Vader's mask. And they always seem to have very intrusive left foot dead pedals so you can't straighten out your leg.

What do you get when you take a Honda Accord and cheapen down the interior and raise the price $13,000? An Acura TLX.

If you're looking for a subcompact cheap car, I'd recommend the Nissan Micra and the Honda Misfit. Both actually seem well put together and are roomier that you'd expect.

The Automobile Journalists Association of Canada have declared the Hyundai Elantra is the best new sports car of 2017. Yeah, don't ask me to explain it.

Cadillac's quality seems to be inconsistent. Sometimes they seem very well put together and sometimes they seem ~~~, is this a prototype? You look at the way body panels fit together and just have to scratch your head.

The Mini display was like dead. I don't think they've changed much since their introduction. They're just not cool anymore. Fiat is the new Euro-hipster car.

What's-that-smell award goes to the Dodge Journey. That car's got something funky going on. Doesn't help that the 1990s styling is as interesting as an egg crate.

Volkswagen isn't allowed to sell Diesels right now. Which removes the biggest reason you'd consider a $40k compact car from Mexico.

Er, that's all I can think of for now.

02-24-2017, 06:00 PM
Great write up !! Thanks.

02-25-2017, 02:28 PM
Ha....funniest review yet. Thanks

fast Ed
02-25-2017, 07:44 PM
Great review as always Michael.

All of the manufacturers are moving away from printed brochures in today's electronic age. Ford told us for 2018 MY we'll no longer have them available.

02-28-2017, 05:17 PM
yes i enjoyed reading your report.

03-02-2017, 03:39 PM
Great review, Mike. Hilarious as usual. Yes there is no more Scion. That was announced last year. Parent Toyota wants to fold the customers of quirky cars back into the blandly reliable Toyota line. Can't think of a Toyota I would want. Some of them have TRD (read as turd) on the fender for some odd reason.
A Bently SUV? I read a road test of one of those. Not worth the close to 1/4 million price of admission.
I'll stick with my 'birds.

fast Ed
03-02-2017, 09:30 PM
The vehicles sold as "Scion" in North America were just Toyotas from the Asian and European markets. They didn't think they would attract young people selling there here under the Toyota brand because of the stodgy reputation, so the marketing gurus in the U.S. came up with the new sub-brand.