a christmas story (not for the kids!!!!)

pdennis93

Registered User
Down in the workshop,
All the elves are making toys
For the good gentile girls
And the good gentile boys.
Then the boss busted in
Nearly scared 'em half to death
He had a rifle in his hands
And cheap whiskey on his breath
From his beard to his boots
He was covered with ammo
Like some big fat drunk, disgruntled
Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled and he said
With a twinkle in his eye
"Merry christmas to all!"
"Now you're all gonna die!"
The night Santa went crazy
The night saint Nick went insane
Realised he'd been getting a raw deal
Something finally must've snapped in his brain
Well the workshop in gone now
He decided to bomb it
Everywhere you'll find pieces
Of Cupid and Comet
And he tied up his helpers
And he held the elves hostage
And he ground up old Rudolph into
Reindeer sausage!
He got Dancer and Prancer
With an old German Luger
And he slashed up Dasher
Just like Freddy Kruger
And he picked up a flamethrower
And he barbecued Blitzen
And he took a big bite and said
"It tastes just like chicken!"
The night Santa went crazy
The night Kris Kringle went nuts
Now you can hardly walk around the north pole
Without steppin' in reindeer guts
There's the national guard and the FBI
There's a van from the eyewitness news
And helicopter circling 'round in the sky
And the bullets are flying, the body count's rising and everyone's dying to know
Oh, Santa, why?
My, my, my, my, my, my
You used to be such a jolly guy
Yes, Virginia, now Santa Claus is dead
Some guy from the SWAT team
Blew a hole through his head
Yes, little friend now, that's his braisn on the floor
Guess you won't have the fat guy to kick around anymore!
Now there'll be no more presents
For the children's enjoyment
And the elves gotta stand in line to file for unemployment
And they say Mrs. Claus, she's on the phone every night
With her lawyer, negotiating the - movie rights!
They're talkin' 'bout
The night Santa went crazy
The night Saint Nicholas flipped
Broke his back for some
Milk and Cookies
Sounds to me like he was tired of gettin' gypped
The night Santa went crazy
The night Saint Nick went insane
Realised he'd been getting a raw deal
Something finally must've snapped in his brain
Something finally must've snapped in his brain
tell ya
Something finally must've snapped...
In his brain


:D :D :D
 
Oh yeah - Weird Al :) the last song on his album "Amish Paradise"

I haven't listened to that song in a long time.

-Andy "Melon"
 
oh and for those of you with virgin ears, theres the wussy alternate ending....

"yes virginia, now santa's doin' time, in a federal prison for his infamous crime, hey little friend now, dont you cry no more tears, he'll be out with good behavior in 700 more years......but now vixon's in theropy, and donner's still nervous, and the elves all got jobs workin for the postal service......"


personally i like the gory version better :p
 
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