Be prepared to laugh!

Doctor Jokes

>
> A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to
> have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed
> out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to
> take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there
> were several cabs-I was in the wrong one.
> --Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
>
>
> At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on
> an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior
> chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they
> used to be," remorsed the patient.
> --Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
>
>
> One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told
> a wife that her husband had died of a massive
> myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later,
> I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that
> he had died of a "massive internal fart."
> --Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
>
>
> I was performing a complete physical, including the
> visual acuity te! st. I placed the patient twenty feet
> from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with
> your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now
> your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I
> requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read
> the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered
> that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was
> standing there with both his eyes covered. I was
> laughing too hard to finish the exam.
> --Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
>
>
> During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with
> his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he
> was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which
> one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on
> a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of
> places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and
> discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the man
> had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the
> instruction! s include removal of the old patch before
> applying a new one.
> --Dr. Rebecca St Clair, Norfolk, VA
>
>
> While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I
> asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a
> look of complete confusion she answered... "Why, not
> for about twenty years-when my husband was alive."
> --Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR < BR>
>
> I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So
> how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good,
> except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get
> used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked
> to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
> labeled "KY Jelly."
> --Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
>
>
> A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a
> young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker
> Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing
> strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined
> that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
> scheduled for immediate sur! gery. When she was
> completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff
> noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and
> above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the
> g rass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
> wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which
> said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
>
> and Finally . . .
>
> A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite
> embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover
> his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit
> of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he
> was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing
> and further embarrassed him.
> He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm
> sorry. Was I tickling you?"
> She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were
> whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'."
> -- Dr. wouldn't admit his name...

:D :D :D

Frank:p
 
I think this one was the best~

I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So
how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good,
except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get
used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked
to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
labeled "KY Jelly."
--Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
:D :D :D
 
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