It just keeps getting better and better

Well, maybe some of you remember me posting about the speeding tickets my oldest son had gotten. He'll be 21 in a few weeks. I think his driving has gotten better or at least he hasn't had anymore tickets since then.

The third son of the 3, he'll be 18 in September, I had with my ex-wife was with a friend that shoplifted a microwave oven from a Wal-mart. They had it on the bottom shelf of their cart and just walked out without paying for it. He tried to tell me he didn't realize it till they got outside, but they didn't go back in to pay for it. He told me not to label him a criminal and I told him if you knew you didn't pay for something and didn't go back in the store to do so, then criminal is as criminal does.

Now, the second, who is 19, thought it would be fun to pump his gas and drive off. He didn't get caught. He tried it again and this time he was caught and arrested.


They all know better than what they are doing. Their mom allowed them to do what ever they wanted with few boundaries or rules. In North Carolina, it is a law that if you are convicted of driving off without paying for gas, you can loose yours license. I'm not sure on the length of the punishment. He hasn't gone to court yet. He had a job lined up, when they found out about him being arrested for stealing gas, they decided not to hire him.

I feel like learning the hard way might be the only way they will learn. I blame a lot of their behavior on their mother, who didn't seem to take too much interest in them or what they were doing and some on the people they hang out with. I just hope I'm not visiting any of them in prison one day.

David,

I'd say its time to lay the smack down on your kids. Smack them striaght on their butts and let them build them selves back up.

Shane

one thing i dont get... now how in the hell do you get free gasoline...??? Arent those machines pre-pay like you pre pay at a window. Man those stations need to get upto date. But any-who. Yes this is from their mothers side as you describe. I bet you they always labeled you as the mean one. But i support you dude, kids these days need discipline. I dont know what is wrong with parents not caring about their kids these days. It just messes them alot. But if were you i would honestly hang him from his toe nails over a cliff and see how well they are connected to the rest of his feet.... if you know what i mean. Beat them senseless... Even though they are old beat them. They need discipline. Some tough love. I cant stand little kids when they act retarted. Hopefully he doesnt end up in jail...

You can't blame momma man. I'm sure she did what she thought she should, and blaming her isn't going to help their situation. Why don't you try sitting them down and telling them what you expect for them, and what you hope they can achieve for themselves. Tell them that you're there for them for when they screw up, but that they are adults now and will have to suffer the consequences.

I think being supportive and helping them in the right direction would do some good, and maybe figure out a way to reward them for doing good, however small the reward is. The extra mile as a parent can pay off. I, however empathize with your situation, I'm scared to death of what my daughters will grow up to be, but I hope by providing them with a positive atmosphere and letting them know exactly what I expect that they will do well for themselves as adults.

This is pretty much how I was raised, and I think my parents did a damn fine job. Funny, considering my step-father is the one who really raised me, and did so like I was his own son, that's a tough part to play if you ask me, I've always respected him for it though.

First of all, I don't think they need a beating at this age. That might send the wrong message. Secondly, I can blame their mom for some of this too, for not having rules for them and letting them run wild thinking it was ok to do whatever they wanted.

She allowed the younger two, to flunk their way through the last two years of school. The younger one dropped out and is dragging his feet to get his GED. The older of the two just graduated this past May at 19 after doing a semester of night school.

They are smart kids and I really expected better of them. I just know she did a bad job of raising them and the little time they spent with me wasn't enough to offset living with her. I think one reason she allowed them to do bad in school was the longer it took them to graduate, the longer I'd be paying child support on them.

She got an extra year out of me for the 19 year old and as long as the youngest is trying to finish high school, I have to pay up until he turns 20. He only has two more test to take to finish his GED, but he doesn't seem to be in a hurry to get it done. I can thank his mom for his lazy attitude.

I'm going to try to go see them Monday or Tuesday and have a long sit down heart to heart with them.

Maybe Dr. Phil can help
Just kidding. A good smack to the back of the head and a "What the %$@# were you thinking?" sounds good and all, but a sugar coated "No no that isn't very nice thing to do now junior" isn't going to work either..I think the heart to heart hopefully will have some better motivation in the end. I have an ex that gives me chills thinking how bad my daughter would be if she was raising her instead of me. She took one of her other daughters at age 9 to the tattoo parlor and that kid has had 6??? step dads??? (Not counting boyfriends, just husbands).
I really feel for all the parents of this screwed court system when it comes to divorces with children involved. If they gauranteed 50% of the time to each parent in a divorce I really wonder how much better for the kids it would be. But then the attorneys would go broke cause hardly anybody would be fighting over the kids. My ex, like a lot of parents out there, would use her for the child support $$ and hang her over my head like a puppet, yet not giving a crap how she is raised, or how often I would be able to see her, and I would do more than "blame her" for that. I get a whopping $20 + 1/2 of daycare. Whoopty whoop! Yet I give her mom as much time with the kid as she wants, which unfortunately isn't very often. But I know I can never be called unfair. I no strict freak, I have rules, the kid follows them and gets good grades and not much I can complain about with her. Then again, she is 9 years old, and in 5 years she may be a hellion and I have to come delete my post here..
Maybe if the kids had something very important to them stolen from them, they might understand how it feels to be stolen from, then again some kids at that age might figure "I might as well steal since someone did it to me". Tough call sometimes on the kids, and they need a "Parent's Playbook" for all this stuff..
Good luck David

Good words Bob. I'd like to think if they had lived with me instead of her, I wouldn't be writing about this now.

I mean, how many parents let their 16 year olds go out on a Friday or Saturday night and come in at 4 the next morning or just not show up till the next night or day after that? Thats' the kind of things she allowed them to do and teaching them some responsibility is going to be a job.

They had no chores to do around the house, as she did everything for them. I was over one time visiting and there was a bowl in their room that had been there for weeks, because they were too lazy to take it to the kitchen.

My oldest son is married and has a son. He spends so little time with his wife and son. He spends most of his time off from work on the weekends, hanging out with his friends instead. I think the way he was raised has a lot to do with this. His wife isn't happy and I feel bad for her and the grandson. If things don't change, I can't see them staying together for that much longer.

As for the child support, I've heard about the ex getting rid of some things that are costing her because her income is getting ready to be $487 a month in the minus. I've always thought a lot of moms don't use all the support money they get on the kids and from what've I've seen in my situation, it's easy to believe.

The courts are a joke and are slanted in the mothers favor whether she has custody or not. It's been a long 13 1/2 years I've been paying support and it will be party time when it's over. Everyone in the SCCoA is invited. I hope I can get my boys straightened out before they wind up being beyond my help.

Even though it was 20 years ago for me I sure can relate to you're story. I put my butt on the line once with a faked insurance card to get my son off on a driving without insurance charge. I couldn't believe he would be dumb enough to do it again, but he did a couple of years later. This time he was on his own but his mother paid to fix the other guys car and no charges were filed. He also eventually got his GED and went into the military where he learned how to be a mechanic and is now doing great working on Sea Rays in Savannah and has a 1/2 million$ house on a canal. Again, it was due to the excessive permissiveness of his mother who exercised no control and the crowd he hung out with that got him into and kept him in constant trouble. My daughter was just the opposite, never got into trouble, had nice friends, and got a college degree. She has more sense and brains than either of them. I paid her tuition in leu of child support. That worked out very well. So, keep your spirits up. How people are as teenagers has nothing to do with how they will be as adults. It may take awhile but they'll come around, especially if you remain a positive influence to them.

Thanks Mike.

They could use a "Whack To The Side Of The Head" or at least have their asstank filled with some premium boot!!!!

You need to be involved in this situation, because you know the ex isn't going to do anything....

My wife's ex is only paying a fraction of the child support that the courts told him to pay and that only covers the cost of child care while my wife is at work....

Being a bachelor for all these years and now raising an 11 year old girl, going on 18 I can see that it is expensive raising a child......

I can see the change in Kristie......

Laura says that I am more of a father to her than her biological father

Good luck with this situation and I hope it all works out....

My oldest has been going through a phase we'll call "what was I thinking getting married so young". He's been acting like a teenager and not spending much time with his wife and son, instead hanging out with his buddies like he was 18 again.

This past weekend, he left their house Staurday morning and was gone all day, all night and when she finally tracked him down, he was at a girls house (her parents are in Mexico) and the youngest of the 3 was there as well as a friend of theirs. There were also 2 other girls, so 3 guys and 3 girls.

He told her nothing was going on, but it's just strange for a married man to spend the weekend at a girls house while his wife and child are at home. He's been acting like a butthead for the last 6 months and I've been telling her to go ahead and leave him, but she is having a hard time realizing that is what she needs to do.

I told her he was disrespecting her and since he knows she'll put up with it, he'll probably keep on doing. I love my boys, but their mom sure did a number on all of them. They should probably get some counceling or therapy, but I doubt they think they need it.

I'd like to give their mom a whack to the side of the head.

Well he went to court Thursday and his punishment for driving off without paying for gas, 75 hous of community service in 6 months. I'm not sure if this will get his attention or not. After he told me about why he did it, I was so mad. He probably had enough gas to get back to where he had dropped his brother off at work and gotten some money for gas.

Or if it was that low, he could have parked the car and walked back, it was only a mile or two. He said the cop that stopped him didn't read him his rights, but I'm not sure if that was brought up in court. I'll find out more in the next day or two. Regardless of why he did it, if he didn't learn anything I won't feel sorry for him if he ever does something as stupid as this again.

My daughter in law that told me about his punishment said that my ex's husband made her go with him to court so she could take the blame. I told her that his mom is to blame if she didn't raise him to make smarter decisions than that.

I hope this will be his only brush with the law.

There is never an excuse to run oft.

In my youth I had a few times where the "check" was rejected or I "forgot my wallet". Well the gas was already in the car (this was before "prepay only" stations existed, at least in Minnesota) so what can they do? They just take your name and phone number and Drivers License #. They send you a bill if you don't come back and pay. It goes to small claims court eventually if you let it ride. I always just got some cash from where-ever I was headed to, or found my wallet and ran back, or caught them on the way back from work.

Since most people don't run into that problem, they probably never knew how those stations deal with it.