I've used that trick to push the unlock button, but his new SC has shaved handles and I'm assuming shaved trunk lock too. It's quite the show car from what I've seen.
Anyhow, I was thinking he could jack the car up and then hook a battery charger to the engine block somewhere to ground, and then to one of the terminals on the starter if you can see them (make sure its not the one that makes the starter crank) but after it sits on the charger for about 20 minutes you should be able to get the door open, and then pop the hood and fully charge the battery.
How old is the battery and why did it go dead? If it just went dead from sitting you either have a current draw when the car is off, or the battery is no good and won't hold a charge. If the battery is old or you don't know when it was replaced, get a new one for piece of mind.
Most cars with shaved locks have an emergency jumper terminal somewhere possibly could be under the ground effects of front bumper.
For future reference Ryan, you might want to get some extra battery cables and run them from the battery down behind the bumper and cover the end terminals so they don't corrode. Then if you ever need to charge the battery and can't get it, you can reach up under the bumper and get out the cables to hook into.
Is this SC in Michigan? I won't be up there for a while, but if you want help with running some hidden "jumper" battery cables in the future I can help you out next time we meet up. How's Iraq? Or are you back stateside?