steps to change oil for men and women LOL LOL !!!

stephens89sc

Registered User
How to change your oil
> > > > >
> > > > >instructions for women first,.......and then the pro's...
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >Oil Change instructions for Women:
> > > > >
> > > > >1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles
> > > > >since the last oil change.
> > > > >2) Drink a cup of coffee.
> > > > >3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
> > > > >maintained vehicle.
> > > > >Money spent:
> > > > >Oil Change $20.00
> > > > >Coffee $1.00
> > > > >Total $21.00
> > > > >
> > > > >Oil Change instructions for Men:
> > > > >
> > > > >1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case
> > > > >of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree,
> > write
> > a
> > > > >check for $50.00.
> > > > >2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for
> > > > >$20.00, drive home.
> > > > >3) Open a beer and drink it.
> > > > >4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
> > > > >5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
> > > > >6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
> > > > >7) Place drain pan under engine.
> > > > >8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
> > > > >9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
> > > > >10) Unscrew drain plug.
> > > > >11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in
> > > > >process. Cuss.
> > > > >12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and
> > > > >arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
> > > > >13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
> > > > >14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
> > > > >15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil
> > > > >filter and twist off.
> > > > >16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing
> > > > >oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash
> > in
> > > > >trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
> > > > >17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to
> > > > >finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door
> > opener.
> > > > >18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change."
> > > > >Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil
> > in
> > > > >hole in back yard instead of taking it back to store to recycle.
> > > > >19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
> > > > >20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
> > > > >21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
> > > > >22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of
> > > > >oil to gasket surface.
> > > > >23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
> > > > >24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
> > > > >25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
> > > > >26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back
> > > > >yard, along with drain plug.
> > > > >27) Drink beer.
> > > > >28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel
> > > > >oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover
> > > > >oily
> > > > >patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug
> > in
> > > > >lawnmower gas.
> > > > >29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
> > > > >Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
> > > > >30) Drink beer.
> > > > >31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes
> > > > >with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent
> > wrench
> > > > >tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
> > > > >32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
> > > > >33) Begin cussing fit.
> > > > >34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
> > > > >35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss
> > > > >December (1992) in the left boob.
> > > > >36) Beer.
> > > > >37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop
> > > > >blood flow.
> > > > >38) Beer.
> > > > >39) Beer.
> > > > >40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
> > > > >41) Beer.
> > > > >42) Lower car from jack stands.
> > > > >43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
> > > > >44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
> > > > >during steps 23 - 43.
> > > > >45) Beer.
> > > > >46) Test drive car.
> > > > >47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
> > > > >48) Car gets impounded.
> > > > >49) Call loving wife, make bail.
> > > > >50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
> > > > >Money spent:
> > > > >Parts $50.00
> > > > >DUI $2500.00
> > > > >Impound fee $75.00
> > > > >Bail $1500.00
> > > > >Beer $40.00
> > > > >Total-- $4165.00
> > > > >-- But you know the job was done right.
> >
> >
> >
 
hahaha, that made me laugh. oh man, i just changed my oil last week. i could of used those directions although i know i would just get stuck on step 3 :D . but seriously i just remembered i forgot to put oil on the filter :confused:
 
see for me its step one decide if i feel like crashing my knuckles under these unforgiving cars step two say screw pay 27.99 for the oilchange carwash and sweet perfume disc they trow under the seat step three laugh at the mechanics who have to change the oil on my car
 
priceless!!!!

stephens89sc said:
How to change your oil
> > > > >
> > > > >instructions for women first,.......and then the pro's...
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >Oil Change instructions for Women:
> > > > >
> > > > >1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles
> > > > >since the last oil change.
> > > > >2) Drink a cup of coffee.
> > > > >3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
> > > > >maintained vehicle.
> > > > >Money spent:
> > > > >Oil Change $20.00
> > > > >Coffee $1.00
> > > > >Total $21.00
> > > > >
> > > > >Oil Change instructions for Men:
> > > > >
> > > > >1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case
> > > > >of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree,
> > write
> > a
> > > > >check for $50.00.
> > > > >2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for
> > > > >$20.00, drive home.
> > > > >3) Open a beer and drink it.
> > > > >4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
> > > > >5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
> > > > >6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
> > > > >7) Place drain pan under engine.
> > > > >8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
> > > > >9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
> > > > >10) Unscrew drain plug.
> > > > >11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in
> > > > >process. Cuss.
> > > > >12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and
> > > > >arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
> > > > >13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
> > > > >14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
> > > > >15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil
> > > > >filter and twist off.
> > > > >16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing
> > > > >oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash
> > in
> > > > >trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
> > > > >17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to
> > > > >finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door
> > opener.
> > > > >18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change."
> > > > >Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil
> > in
> > > > >hole in back yard instead of taking it back to store to recycle.
> > > > >19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
> > > > >20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
> > > > >21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
> > > > >22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of
> > > > >oil to gasket surface.
> > > > >23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
> > > > >24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
> > > > >25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
> > > > >26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back
> > > > >yard, along with drain plug.
> > > > >27) Drink beer.
> > > > >28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel
> > > > >oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover
> > > > >oily
> > > > >patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug
> > in
> > > > >lawnmower gas.
> > > > >29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
> > > > >Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
> > > > >30) Drink beer.
> > > > >31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes
> > > > >with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent
> > wrench
> > > > >tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
> > > > >32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
> > > > >33) Begin cussing fit.
> > > > >34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
> > > > >35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss
> > > > >December (1992) in the left boob.
> > > > >36) Beer.
> > > > >37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop
> > > > >blood flow.
> > > > >38) Beer.
> > > > >39) Beer.
> > > > >40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
> > > > >41) Beer.
> > > > >42) Lower car from jack stands.
> > > > >43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
> > > > >44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
> > > > >during steps 23 - 43.
> > > > >45) Beer.
> > > > >46) Test drive car.
> > > > >47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
> > > > >48) Car gets impounded.
> > > > >49) Call loving wife, make bail.
> > > > >50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
> > > > >Money spent:
> > > > >Parts $50.00
> > > > >DUI $2500.00
> > > > >Impound fee $75.00
> > > > >Bail $1500.00
> > > > >Beer $40.00
> > > > >Total-- $4165.00
> > > > >-- But you know the job was done right.
> >
> >
> >
that was great !!! i havn't cried like that for years . the thing is so good because it is all true! at one point or another all thoughs things happened, with the exception of the DUI!!
 
There is realistically no $$ or time to be saved by changing your own oil when you consider purchase, work, cleanup, and disposal. I do it mainly for convenience and because I know the oil pan bolt isn't pounded on with an impact tool :eek: or the oil filter screwed on 1.5 turns when its supposed to be 3/4 turn. :(
 
TbirdSCFan said:
There is realistically no $$ or time to be saved by changing your own oil when you consider purchase, work, cleanup, and disposal. I do it mainly for convenience and because I know the oil pan bolt isn't pounded on with an impact tool :eek: or the oil filter screwed on 1.5 turns when its supposed to be 3/4 turn. :(


Hell I just like working on my car. Even if it is only an oil change.
 
Scott Long said:
Welcome to a year and a half ago.

Hey Scott, I didn't say "it sounds like you were busy this past weekend". :D I can read dates and stuff, but thanks for trying to make sure I was paying attention. :p :D :cool:
 
TbirdSCFan said:
There is realistically no $$ or time to be saved by changing your own oil when you consider purchase, work, cleanup, and disposal. I do it mainly for convenience and because I know the oil pan bolt isn't pounded on with an impact tool :eek: or the oil filter screwed on 1.5 turns when its supposed to be 3/4 turn. :(

It's been a long while since I went to a quick oil change place, but they don't usually have the oil I want to use, which is usually more expensive than what they have available and the oil filters they use are not usually top-of-the-line. And some of them try to get unknowing customers to buy stuff they may not really need.
I also use the oil change as an excuse to look at other things under the vehicle. That's how I caught a pinion seal leak on my wife's SUV, before it was too late. ;)
 
The funny part is.........unless you are environmentally proper, who doesnt hide the filter in the trash.
 
I like to do it myself so that I know I can get the drain plug back out and that its not cross threaded. And to look around at other seals, and front suspension parts.
 
I work at an oil change place (not gonna name it but jiffy lube sucks valvoline is better) and thats about how my boss would change his oil IF HE did it his goes more like
1, make someone else do it
2, drink beer
3, more beer



and it is cheaper to do it your self, I get half off and still save $$$ doing it myself
 
my buddy used to have this awesome 5.0 '95 mustang, but the problem is that he didnt even know how to change oil, despite my best efforts to teach him, so he went to one of those quicky lubes and they took his air filter off to show him that it was dirty, but he had a K&N waiting at home that I was going to put in for him. and they never put the air filter back in!!!!!
THATS why i never go to one of those places, especially since i used to work at one!
 
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